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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {